Need to Know
by WriterLeigh
Summary: Season 6 speculation fic. All spoilers are fair game - sans the most recent. But we do know about the wine... ;) Join us as classified information plays a central role in a gruesome murder and lines are crossed, proving to be a true test of where loyalties lie.
1. Chapter 1

A season six speculation fic, in which all spoilers are fair game (ignoring anything learned from articles about the screener release - because we wanted to stay as true to our original idea as possible). _**IF YOU ARE SPOILER FREE, WHY ARE YOU STILL READING?** _The only minor deviation we've made is changing the gender of new NYPD detective from male to female - and you'll see why later in the story ;) So we are aware that aspect won't pan out accurately. Rated M for sexual content in later chapters.

**Disclaimer:** We don't own anything you recognize - and dialogue from the Castle/Pi scene has been adapted from the leaked audition tape. The title has even been shamelessly borrowed from one of the episodes, because we thought it fitted so well. Everything you recognize is therefore property of Andrew Marlowe, and we're just borrowing them because we take great pleasure in making their lives that little bit more complicated. We do own Detective Stephanie Dunbar, and any resemblance to any other person is purely accidental... Basically just don't sue us because we're destitute university students ;)

* * *

**Need to Know**

**Chapter One**

"Thank you, one night will do. It is just a short trip to the city," he said, holding out his credit card to the hotel receptionist.

"Oh, that sounds lovely," she responded, swiping the card and returning it to him with a polite but manufactured smile, "and are you here for business or pleasure?"

"Perhaps both, I'm visiting an old friend," he answered with a grin, which didn't quite meet his eyes. He wasn't even lying. This was exactly the reason he had come to New York after all those years. Seven years since he had last seen her. He didn't plan on making it eight.

"I just need your signature here," the brunette receptionist said and then, with a carefully manicured index finger, she tapped onto the form they had already filled out to indicate where he needed to sign.

"Of course you do," he said and did as she asked, rewarding her politeness with a brilliant smile, "thank you very much - Diane," he added, gaze flicking briefly to the brass name tag on her shirt.

The receptionist blushed, clearly charmed by his features and demeanor, "have a nice day." She handed him the keys and he smiled at her again before he turned around and faced the lifts to his respective floor. He had chosen one of the highest levels to have a good view over the city. At least that was his official cover up story, should anyone ask and he had a feeling that come tomorrow people would be very interested in the occupant of room 1147. The receptionist and any other person didn't need to know that everything about him indeed was a cover story. Naturally, the name on his credit card was bogus. As was his reason to stay in the city. Wait, that was at least half true. He was going to be meeting an old acquaintance.

When he arrived at his floor and the doors of the lift slowly opened, he quickly scanned for his room number on the metal plates on the wall and turned right. Meeting no one, he observed where the surveillance cameras were placed to avoid them at all times. His dark grey hoodie shirt provided his first disguise and he covered his head and forehead with it, just slightly lifting his head to find his room. Mere moments later he stood in front of 1147 and slipped his key card into the slot. The door opened with a small noise and he was in, shutting it with a mechanical click behind him.

As soon as he had put his small black bag on one of the beds, he opened it and meticulously checked the contents. He was pretty sure he had packed everything he would need to fulfill his plan. Surgical knives, his black leather gloves, lock picks and several other gadgets. Not to forget his small caliber gun, unmarked of course. Nothing could hint at him. He would need to cover up his whole mission as it was semi-official.

He stepped towards the windows and took in the unobstructed view of the New York skyline. What a beautiful day it was. It felt good to be back. It was almost a shame he couldn't stay, but he needed to speak to his informant and then needed to assess possible access points to her building. It would be tomorrow.

* * *

It was unusual for Kate Beckett not to be dressed at this hour. It had just gone eleven and yet there she was sat cross-legged on her couch, barefoot and wearing his favorite Green Lantern t-shirt. She was also eating dry cereal straight from the box, having realized when she went to the fridge that she was out of milk.

Today was a rare day off, her first in just over a month and aside from shopping, which seemed like something of a necessity given the lack of food in her cupboards, she looked forward to having nothing of any importance to do. She was contemplating catching a movie if there was anything worth watching, and maybe tackling the pile of unread books on her nightstand, because it just seemed to keep growing. An aspiring Mount Everest of mystery and - which was new - more romantic novels.

A knock on the door broke her from her musings and dragged her back to the present. She placed the box on the floor, uncurling her body and getting to her feet. The knocking became more persistent, "I'm coming!" she yelled, yanking open the door, "would it kill you to have a little patience?"

"Probably not, but why take that risk?"

Her head turned so quickly that she was surprised she didn't give herself whiplash. There in the hallway stood Castle, dressed in a pair of beige slacks and a blue shirt with the top few buttons undone. His twinkling eyes met hers for a mere moment before raking observantly over her body, gaze lingering appreciatively on her long tanned legs. "I wondered why I couldn't find this last time I went home," he said conversationally, plucking at the material of the shirt, "it figures that I must have forgotten it."

"Rick," she breathed, doing a double take to find him stood there in her hallway, because he was in the middle of preparing for the release of 'Deadly Heat' and the case her team had solved yesterday afternoon, they weren't expecting to wrap up anytime soon. The short of it was they'd both been rushed off their feet and hadn't been able to arrange seeing each other for another fortnight. "You're here," her entire face lit up and her lips curved up into a mega-watt smile.

She grabbed him by his belt loops, causing him to drop his duffle bag on the floor, but neither of them paid it any attention, his arms lacing around her waist and his lips brushing chastely across hers. "You didn't forget it," she said suddenly into the silence, burying her face in his chest, and he had to really listen to catch the rest of her sentence, "your shirt I mean- I took it out of your bag when you were in the shower."

She felt him smile into the top of her head, and one hand came up to pull her hair out of the messy bun it was in, tangling in her curls, before moving down and tilting her head gently upwards to enable eye contact.

There was nothing gentle about what happened next though. She captured his mouth in a kiss that left him feeling like he might spontaneously combust at the sensation it created. Her kiss was rough, mouth parting in desperation, teeth and tongue worked in conjunction to release that little noise he makes, because she has missed that so much. Castle was by no means a passive participant, responding to the kiss with every bit as much pent up desire, pushing them to the point where they were both rendered breathless.

"What are you doing here?" She murmured when their foreheads rested together. She brushed her nose against his in an eskimo kiss, unable to hide how giddy she felt as they both tried get their heart rates under control.

"I was writing and I saw on the news that you got your guy," Castle said, his hands unconsciously finding the hem of the t-shirt and toying with it. "Nice picture they used of you too, it really did your assets justice."

Kate's face turned a stunning shade of magenta and she ducked her head, with a muttered "shut up," causing him to chuckle. "I meant to call last night and tell you, but I laid down for a moment and woke up about an hour ago. What about you? Don't you have important writerly duties to attend to?"

His hands have now slid beneath the shirt and are tracing circles against the soft skin of her thigh, "why do you think I'm here? I can't have my muse suffering from abandonment issues."

"That definitely wouldn't be conducive to your productivity," Kate played along, barely suppressed mirth reflected in her eyes, but she was unable to contain her grin.

Castle's shirt slipped down off one of her shoulders, "I've actually made a start on the new book so I figured I'd surprise you." The tail end of his sentence was hummed out against her shoulder, mouth descending on the newly revealed expanse of skin.

She leaned into his touch, sighing in delight as his dexterous fingers located her hipbone, her hands beginning to do some exploring of their own. _She'd never been one for surprises, although she supposed she might make this an exception._

* * *

From the outset everything seemed the same within the 12th precinct, although there was an unusually low hum of activity in the bullpen. The only constant was the irritating buzz of a temperamental air conditioning unit - in its futile effort to combat the blistering temperatures of late - punctuated by officers bickering over whose turn it was to do a food run or the even more occasional ring of a telephone.

Things were unusually quiet on the murder front. It had been ten days since they wrapped up their last case and what had initially been a welcome reprieve was beginning to grate on their every last nerve. All active cases had been prepared ready for trial and there were only so many times a person could look through decade old cold cases without losing their mind.

Ryan had initially welcomed the paperwork days with open arms, as had his pregnant wife Jenny. Even if the precinct hadn't been the safest of all places in the past, she much preferred her husband to be in its confines rather than being put at risk while working in the field. The farther along in the pregnancy they had gotten and the more Jenny had showed, Ryan had become over protective and over-informed.

A day hadn't gone by over the last three weeks where he wasn't talking about his latest Google and Youtube findings regarding education, latest baby milestones and decoration ideas. All of that before they had learned about the gender as the baby had been shy and had turned whenever they had tried. Ryan had started calling it 'my shy bean,' if it was a reference to a soy bean he had left open, Esposito really didn't find it funny, either way.

"... and by its first birthday we could have it weaned," Ryan said and Esposito fought to suppress a yawn. This got more difficult the longer Ryan talked about all things baby. Fighting back the annoyance at your own partner did, too.

"Weaned?" asked Esposito, to fake an interest in the topic.

"Yeah, weaned. Jenny and I have agreed on her breastfeeding almost a full year. It's supposed to be best to do it longer, as breast milk ultimately is the healthiest way to start baby's life but you should also introduce solids. This is supposed to help with the tooth growth as well, but then again each baby is different and..."

"Yeah, I get it, I get it," Esposito cut in to prevent an endless monologue about baby weaning and to minimize the risk of either falling asleep or punching his partner in the face. His distraction came from an unlikely source, but he couldn't bring himself not to feel slightly relieved about it.

"Do you have a moment Detective Ryan, Detective Esposito?" The voice of their Captain cut authoritatively through the silence. It wasn't a question, they knew and the detectives in question glanced at each other before getting to their feet. _This didn't sound good and they got the feeling they knew where this was headed because even though she was speaking to them Captain Gates had unconsciously glanced over to where Beckett's former desk sat empty, sans her writer's chair._

Even in the short time Beckett had been gone the 12th's case closure rate had dropped slightly, and it was no secret to anyone that she'd had been under a lot of pressure to replace her. "Sir?" Their suspicions were confirmed upon following their Captain into her office and noticing that they weren't the only occupants of the room.

The seat opposite her desk was taken by a woman who at first glance appeared to be the polar opposite of Beckett in every way. She was a good several inches shorter, wore black narrow rimmed glasses and her copper colored tresses were as straight as Kate's had been curled, framing her slightly square face. Her lips were painted a dark shade of red, standing out against her pale complexion in an attempt to make them appear fuller. You could be forgiven for thinking she was some kind of model, because the only evidence so far that she wasn't, was the badge clipped visibly to her shirt - a sheer white blouse, only half buttoned up and of which you could see the outline of the black tank top she wore beneath.

"When you've put your eyes back into your head, Detective Esposito, maybe you'll allow me to make the necessary introductions," Captain Gates started pointedly, and the hispanic detective's partner couldn't fight the urge to laugh. This quickly turned into a cough when she turned her glare onto him, "this is Detective Dunbar, who is joining us from Narcotics at the 33rd."

"Call me Steph," she angled her body towards Esposito and Ryan, "Detective Esposito right?" she took the proffered hand and smiled widely.

"In that case you can call me Javi," he returned the smile, still somewhat dazed by her appearance and it was all Ryan could do not to slap him upside the head. _Anyone would think he didn't have a girlfriend - although if Lanie could be a fly on the wall - that would probably be a fairly accurate relationship status._ Ryan was suddenly incredibly relieved to know that Lanie was not working in the same building, because put her in a bad mood, give her a scalpel and she was practically lethal. "This is my partner-"

"Ryan, Kevin Ryan," he jumped in, when Steph switched her focus to him.

"I trust you'll both show Detective Dunbar the ropes, so to speak. Detective Dunbar, your desk has been cleared for you to move into so I think that is everything for now. We don't currently have any active cases so I highly suggest you familiarize yourself with the division," Captain Gates broke into their introduction, before turning her attention back to the files on her desk. Steph seemed to interpret that as their cue to leave, which she did.

Something seemed to occur to both Ryan and Esposito simultaneously, although the latter of the detectives shook his head - there'd be a better time for this conversation. Later.

"Are you still here?" Captain Gates asked, barely glancing back up from her pile of paperwork, "and if either of you would like to tell me what you want, now would be appreciated."

"Sir - what about Castle?" Ryan ventured, receiving no help from his partner.

Their captain looked up at the mention of the writer's name, and gave them a piercing glare over the rim of her glasses. For a minute it seemed very much like she was going to launch into a tirade about civilians placing themselves in potentially volatile situations, but then the corner of her lip twitched slightly and Esposito could've sworn he saw her smile. "You tell him I said this and I won't stop until either of you are busted down to traffic, but Mr Castle has proved a surprisingly useful asset to the department over the last few months-"

"So he can come back?" he continued to press, unflinching when Esposito shot him a warning look. _Don't push it._

"He has already been cleared to return, should he choose to do so." She didn't say as much but she didn't need to, because what she did say caused them all to wonder whether Castle would even want to come back, when Beckett was halfway across the country in DC. It had already been three weeks since they'd last seen him. Ryan wondered if Castle had lost his interest in following them around as Beckett might be providing the more interesting cases. Then again, was she even allowed to tell him about them or even have him tag along? Ryan doubted it but it seemed the only logical explanation as to why Castle hadn't expressed any interest in returning yet. "Tell Detective Dunbar I have some paperwork she needs to sign."

Esposito must have sensed that Ryan was lost in his thoughts so he tried to offer him a way out: "I think that's our cue to leave bro-"

Ryan stopped just outside the door and turned to his partner, who was wearing an equally stunned expression, "did that just happen?"

They passed along the message to their new colleague, and then to recover from the unexpected events in Gates' office, went into the break room to grab a cup of coffee. Although in Ryan's case, it was a bottle of green juice.

"Did you start that thing again?" Esposito asked flabbergasted. He had thought this period had been over since the cleansing sessions before the wedding but apparently not.

"No comment, bro," Ryan said and gulped down a large portion of the juice. Making their way back to their desks, Esposito eyed the Captain's office to see if the new detective was still in. Which she was, deeply in a conversation with Victoria Gates. Interesting.

Ryan had shaken off his surprise and apparently also the taste from the green juice as he was back to talking. Of course, he was talking about babies. Again. "There are so many cool toys we could get. Obviously, we would choose from the ones that also stimulate its intelligence at an early stage..."

"What? To make it a genius before it can even walk?" Esposito scoffed.

"Oh, I'm not sure it works that way," Ryan smiled indulgently, "but hey, if there are toys out there that are called 'baby genius', it can't hurt to try."

"Sure, sure," Esposito said, past trying to cover up the boredom that he felt, a combination of both the sheer amount of paperwork and the excessive amount of baby talk he was being exposed to. He sighed and turned back around towards his enormous pile of work. Esposito had always been a man of action and solely sitting down at a desk, filling out form after form, wasn't really what he liked too much. It was getting to the point where he actually wished that someone in the city fancied committing a murder. It was time for him to get out of this personal baby talk hell.

Considering the speed in which Ryan talked and the amount of words he had used in the last thirty minutes, Esposito was glad that a scan at Jenny's OB-GYN's office was scheduled in about an hour and a half. Ryan would probably have to leave in fifteen minutes as he planned a late lunch before.

"Eh Kev, I hate to break up Parenting digest but when do you have to get going?" Esposito asked, desperately trying to sugarcoat the hope in his voice that his partner had chosen to leave extra early.

Ryan took a quick look at his watch and panicked slightly as he answered, "In about ten minutes but there is no way I can finish this up before then!"

"Ah, you're going to lunch before the scan, right?" Esposito stated the already known.

"I am having lunch, Jenny is determined just to drink a diet coke to get 'shy bean' more active and moving. Hopefully this time it won't decide to play hide and seek because I really wanna know how we have to paint the nursery..." Ryan answered.

"If you wanna go extra early, I got this," Esposito offered and Ryan shot him a grateful look, grabbed his coat and hurried out of the precinct. Esposito let an audible sigh escape; _it was going to be a long day._

* * *

Castle's phone buzzed signaling a new message and he quickly finished the paragraph which would conclude the opening chapter of 'Federal Heat' and saved his document before reaching blindly across the nightstand. As well as no fewer than four missed calls from Gina (whoops), there was a new text from Ryan.

Sliding his finger across the message he wanted to read, it unlocked the device and revealed an attached image. Castle tapped it once and a very grainy ultrasound filled the screen. He had to turn the phone around in order to try and make sense of it, and even then it was with difficulty. If that was the head - then what was-? He put it back the right way around, and his jaw dropped slightly as the penny dropped, before he grinned broadly. _Holy shit._

He pulled up Ryan's contact details and hit the call button, listening to it ring once, twice, three times before the call connected. "Now it's been a while since I saw a scan picture and I could be wrong-"

"Wouldn't be the first time bro," there was static on the line, but Castle could clearly make out Esposito in the background.

"I've missed you too Javier," he answered, taking the ribbing good-naturedly.

"You're not wrong," even though he couldn't see him, he could hear Ryan's voice almost bursting with pride and elation, "I didn't believe it either at first."

"You're having twins?" Castle checked.

"We're having twins."

"I suppose I should congratulate you again."

"Thank you Castle, I appreciate it. Where are you at? Fancy coming along and livening up some boring paperwork days?" Ryan answered, hopefully.

"Ah, you know, I wish I could but I don't want to- I kinda hated those ones, really," Castle explained and chuckled.

"You say it like its news," the Irish detective laughed.

"Yeah, we do too bro," Esposito said.

Castle checked his watch, although he could still hear the sound of the shower running so he knew he had time to chat. "So other than that, how are things back at the twelfth?" Castle asked and the boys were more than eager to fill him in on pretty much everything that had happened since Beckett's departure.

"Oh you know Castle, nothing out of the ordinary," answered Esposito, "except for the hot new detective who was introduced to us today. Freshman when it comes to homicide, has worked Narcotics. Ryan says her career has been flawless so far, so we're hoping for the best.."

"Well I guess only time will tell," said Castle, "does Gates miss me?"

"Miss you, Castle," the hispanic detective grinned and it translated into his voice, „I would not necessarily say ,miss'..."

"But," Ryan cut in smugly, "Apparently you're an asset to the department..."

"She did not say that-"

"Neither did honeymilk here, if he knows what's good for him." Esposito jibed and Castle had to bite back a laugh.

At the end of the line he could make out a loud scuffling sound, a lot of heavy groaning and a muffled, "shit, my ribs," followed by a yell from Ryan.

"Guys?" Castle asked, being completely ignored, so he raised his voice. "_GUYS_ are you okay?"

"Yeah, Castle, fine," Ryan managed, glaring at Esposito and adding, "She also says you're cleared to return if you'd like."

"Do you have a desire to be directing traffic or something?"

"Now I know you're making it up," laughed Castle, interrupting their bickering.

* * *

Kate shut off the cold water which she liked to use as extra refreshment after her shower and attempted to wring her hair with her hands before wrapping it into one of the towels. She stepped out of the cubicle and looked at herself in the mirror surprised to find that her relaxed state transferred onto her appearance. As much as she'd known she missed having him around, she hadn't realized exactly how much good he did her when he was there.

She stepped away from the mirror and, opening the door a fraction, listened, hearing Castle laugh as he wrapped up a call. She reached across her vanity for her phone and not unlike Castle had done earlier, discovered a series of missed calls, "have you been screening your ex-wife's calls again?" Her voice floated through the apartment as she towel-dried her hair.

"Which one?" Castle grinned, appreciatively as she moved into view - standing in the doorway with just a towel wrapped around her body. He reached for her, hands finding her hips and pulling her against him, supremely unconcerned at fact the front of his clothes were now damp.

Kate rolled her eyes, letting him know that she didn't appreciate the reminder, and stepping out of his personal space so she could finish getting dressed. "The one who has taken to calling me up almost daily and asking for an ETA on the new book, all because you can't be bothered to deal with her." Exasperation laced her words, and she jabbed her finger into Castle's chest, but her annoyance quickly faded. "Who were you talking to anyway?"

"Ryan - and Esposito," he answered, relieved at the change of subject. He pulled up the photo again and held the phone up so she could see, "come check this out!"

Kate took it from him, and had very much the same reaction to the photo. Her brow knitted together in obvious confusion, and she tilted her head to one side, "What am I supposed to be seeing?"

Castle reached out, gripping her around the wrist and pulling her down onto the bed with him. She wanted to protest, but instead found herself curling into his side, "you're cute when you're confused," he muttered, almost inaudibly, dropping a kiss on top of her wet curls. "Give it here."

She did as he instructed, and he pointed at a white mass on the screen, "that's baby number one," Castle tilted the phone slightly- "and that is baby number two."

"They're having twins?" She sought clarification, wonderment in her voice, and feeling a sudden wave of emotion that she couldn't quite place, and struggled to tamper down.

"That's the most relevant news, yeah," Castle answered and fixated a spot on the wall, lost in his own recollections of the discovery that Meredith was pregnant with Alexis. He was shaken out of the memories by his fiancée questioning him.

"How are things at the 12th? Did you ask?" Kate asked, surprised by how desperately she wanted to hear any news.

"It's pretty quiet by all accounts," Castle said, watching her carefully, "your replacement started today. According to Ryan she's named Stephanie and it was her first day in homicide - she came from narcotics." He eyed her warily, unsure of how she'd take the news and from the glance they exchanged it didn't seem like she understood her feelings either.

"You'll never believe what Gates apparently said about me though?" He hastily tried to change the subject.

"What?" Kate asked, though it was clear she was only half hearing him, her thoughts a million miles away from their conversation.

"That I've been an asset to the team and that I can go back if I want to," there could be no mistaking the pride in his voice, but Kate was altogether too focused on the latter part of his statement to comment on it.

"Do you want to?" she asked, frowning.

"I don't know," Castle answered honestly, "I mean I didn't even think it was still an option so I never thought about it. Would it be such a bad thing if I did want to?"

"No," Kate murmured, although she wouldn't have convinced anyone with the tone she used.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Maybe I'd be more inclined to believe you if nothing wasn't such a dear friend of yours. You don't think I should go back." Castle stated.

"That's not what it is," Kate countered defensively, pulling out of their embrace, getting to her feet and beginning to pace the space in front of the bed. "I just think you need to be careful. This is dangerous Rick, now more than ever."

Castle laughed hollowly, "seriously? Kate, I've followed you around for five years and in that time i've been held at gunpoint and locked in a freezer. I watched you get shot- and let's not forget our encounter with Toby the tiger. You can't pull the dangerous card on me- I think I know what's at stake here."

"And each of those times I was with you."

"Yes, and if you remember rightly I've saved your life more than you've saved mine," he tried to lessen the tension slightly but his words did nothing to soften the annoyance on her face. "And in case you've forgotten, it's not like I'm going off on some one-man crime fighting mission. Ryan and Esposito are trained for this."

Kate glared at him, throwing up her hands in frustration, "I know that," she snapped, infuriated by his attitude.

"And your problem with me potentially catching a few cases with the boys then would be?" he retorted, his annoyance at her ambiguity clearly showing.

"It is nothing," she answered stubbornly but could not deceive him.

"This Mr. Nothing seems to be a person dear to your heart as you mention him quite often. Why haven't we been introduced?"

Kate snorted but smiled, "have you ever considered that maybe it is just because I wanna make sure that you're safe? That I can't do that from 250 miles away?"

"And I think Ryan and Esposito are perfectly able to pull this off," he answered, "besides, I still have that paper signed ..."

"... that your lifeless remains cannot sue the city!"

"Exactly. So we can discuss this later, when I'm back in New York unless you really want to spend what little time we have together arguing?"

Kate bit back the retort that was on her tongue, letting an almost inaudible sigh escape, "you're right." she concedes, rejoining him on the bed. "You wanna go out and have dinner like we talked about?"

Castle was about to respond when as if on cue, Kate's phone began to ring and her face fell as she checked caller I.D, "Agent Beckett." She listened intently, dismay further clouding her features and teeth sinking into her bottom lip, "Okay I'll be there in twenty," she replied, ending the call and turning to Castle.

"Can we take a raincheck?" She asked sheepishly, "I can't explain why right now, but I've gotta go into work."

"Go," Castle said, forcing himself to smile, "I've still got four chapters to write before Monday, so it's not like I'll be short of anything to do."

"I shouldn't be too long, a couple of hours at most," Kate said, distracted from the conversation by trying to get dressed, "I'll pick up dinner on the way home."

* * *

A couple of hours quickly turned into four, and then six and by the time Kate let herself back into the apartment, it was just after 11pm. The room was completely dark, with the exception of the bright white light of Castle's laptop screen revealing him sat bolt upright on the sofa, apparently fast asleep. She switched on the light and he didn't even stir, and felt a stab of guilt upon noticing containers of half-eaten take out and empty beer bottles on the coffee table. As she took away the laptop, she also didn't fail to notice that the document was empty, with the exception of the chapter heading.

Abandoning her own Chinese on the kitchen counter- because she wasn't really all that hungry anymore- she moved to the couch and dropped down onto the sofa beside him. He seemed to sense the movement because his eyes opened a fraction, "Kate, hi." Sleep infused his voice and she didn't know whether he did it knowingly, but he pulled her body into his side, meeting no resistance.

"Hey Castle," Kate murmured, a tired smile making its way onto her face, and she leaned further across and feathered her lips against his cheek, "are you going to wake up for me?" As much as she could quite cheerfully have fallen asleep like that, she knew they'd regret it in the morning when they couldn't move.

Castle blinked twice, trying to clear the sleep from his field of vision, "so much for a couple of hours," he answered groggily, as he became more aware of his surroundings.

"I'm sorry Castle," she apologized, mouth close to his ear, "I just got caught up, and then I didn't notice the time until it was almost nine. I do have the morning and most of the afternoon off tomorrow, if you want to do breakfast instead. My treat?"

"Mhmm maybe," his response was unenthusiastic and Kate tried to put it down to tiredness but at the same time she couldn't quite quell the tears that welled up in her eyes.

He had every right to be frustrated but at the same time it felt like he didn't quite understand the demands of her new job. Sometimes it felt like he wasn't even trying, "let's just go to bed for now. We'll decide tomorrow." she said softly, getting up from her place and letting her hair fall across her face as she held out a hand to pull him up.

Their weight distribution was uneven, Kate stumbled slightly and she would have fallen if it wasn't for the vice-like grip he had on her wrists, putting them in greater proximity than they had been in a while. Castle let go of her with one hand, reaching up and wiping away the the tear track that glistened on her cheek, "you look exhausted."

"I'm okay," Kate answered automatically, having to stifle a yawn which didn't go unnoticed by her fiancé. He reversed their positions, using the remaining grip he had on her to steer her towards the bedroom and propelled her gently down onto the bed into a sitting position.

Kate unbuttoned her blouse, discarding it carelessly on the floor, quickly followed by the plain white bra. At the same time Castle, with surprising grace, slid her pants down her legs and went to toss her the t-shirt of his which she slept in when she was alone, but she shook her head. "Don't need that," she murmured sleepily, "I've got you."

She was too tired to notice the slightly delighted look that lit up Castle's face - whether at her words or the apparent lack of clothing in which she planned to sleep - and crawled up the bed, collapsing on her side. He quickly undressed down to his boxers and slid in beside her, pulling the covers up over them and moving so his chest was pressed to her back. Then they slept.

* * *

Did you ever have the feeling that the room you were in became smaller and smaller and it felt like the walls were gradually coming closer? How did one manage not to panic?

Even the short plane ride from Washington D.C. to New York City apparently could make someone suffer from those malicious mind ticks. Tricks which the mind played preferably on those who just wanted to calm down after a big storm. Neither fate nor the workings of his brain had had mercy with him during the last twelve hours. Too much had been going on and he couldn't bear thinking at the moment, he needed silence in his head, he needed to focus on the things that lay ahead. Except that he didn't want to, either.

Small beads of sweat formed on his forehead. He had already rolled up the sleeves of his black dress shirt but still felt hot, despite the air conditioning that was working with full force to keep the air in the cabin breathable and acceptable for the duration of the flight. He swallowed hard and pushed the small button on the screen in front of him to call a stewardess. He nervously played with the knob of the flip down table in front of him and waited for the flight attendant to arrive.

"You need anything, sir?" the young stewardess politely and unobtrusively said as soon as she stood beside him and he asked her for a cup of water. His tongue felt irrationally dry and even if it was probably just another thirty minutes the plane with be in the air before initiating the landing process he felt like he needed any intake of fluids he could get. Especially when the things that probably awaited him back in the loft slowly crept back into his all too conscious mind. He swallowed again and waited for the stewardess to return with his much needed water.

"Here is your water, Mr. Castle" she said and looked at him questioningly, quite apparently wondering if she was to place it on the table in front of him, which was still hidden in the back of the seat in front of him, or if he directly wanted to grab the cup and drink as the tone of his voice had sounded quite urgent.

"Ahh, thanks" he responded after a quick moment of remembering where he was and who he was speaking to. His mind had been elsewhere. Again. He read the name on the name tag that the young woman wore and said: "Thank you, Melanie, I appreciate it."

"Would you mind signing my copy of 'Frozen Heat?'" the stewardess asked and he grinned weakly as she already held the book and a pen in her other hand which was now outstretched and the bluish cover of his book almost touched Richard Castle's face.

"Sure" he said and received the book, flipped it open and added "do you want me to make it out to someone in particular?"

"Oh, just Melanie is fine, thank you" she responded and suppressed a giggle. Clearly, a fan. He half expected the questions asking about the sources for his inspiration, where he got all the ideas from or the ever so frequent and popular 'I am your biggest fan' but Melanie didn't use any of those, just silently stared at the little sentence that he had just scribbled into the book to make it out to her.

_"To Melanie,_

_Who graced me with her presence and saved me from dehydration._

_You have a lovely smile,_

_Richard Castle"_

Forty minutes later the plane touched down at JFK airport and he climbed out of the vehicle as one of the first people, customarily greeted by the cabin crew and the chef steward. After he confirmed that everything had been to his liking, he stepped onto the landing tunnel and took out his phone, switched it on and waited for the never ending beeps and jingles awaiting him after his hour-long disconnection.

After all the buzzing and beeping had calmed down, he did a quick scan of the incoming messages, emails and missed phone calls to estimate if he had missed anything important but apart from safe travel wishes and some spam emails, there was barely anything that made it worth stopping and replying to there and then.

At that moment in time that would only have applied to a message or a voice mail from Kate. Considering the fact that he had left her apartment in D.C. right after she had gotten another call to come into work earlier, despite being told she had the morning off.

_"Castle, look, this is important. We've made a headway with this case and now things are finally becoming clearer. They need me to come in, we might have the first real breakthrough in days and I..."_

_"I understand" he said, his enthusiastic expression had already turned into a crestfallen one, "the job comes first. This case comes first. And then the next case will be equally challenging which will mean that you'd be working until the wee hours of the night, too. After that is done, you might meet the next challenge. I get it, Kate. It will always come first, you know it and I know it - so why don't we just stop lying to ourselves?"_

_"Listen, Castle..." Kate started but soon realized that he not only had a point but also had given up making her understand how disappointed he was._

_"Remember when I said that I could write anywhere? You know, I might as well do that back at the loft. I could also catch up with Ryan and Esposito. Thinking about it, this is exactly what I am going to do. It's better if we just stick to our prearranged visits, because hopefully that way neither of us will end up disappointed" he strode past her and made his way to the closet to fetch his carry on._

_"It's not so bad, Kate," he added, turning back towards her watching her face fall and the corners of her mouth turn south, but really he was trying to convince himself as much as her. "I'll see you in two weeks like we planned and it'll be your turn to visit next. There's my release party coming up in a couple of months and I really, really, really want to show you off."_

He strode through the airport to baggage claim, got his little suitcase in record time and headed for the exits, phone on his ear, the connection already establishing.

"Hey Alexis? Yeah, I'm home..."

* * *

As he turned the key in the lock of the loft, he wondered if he was really coming home. He felt like the loft had lost part of the meaning of 'home' for him since Beckett wasn't here with him, but in the end it had been her choice. And no matter how ready he had felt to support her no matter what she chose and decided, slowly doubt crept into his mind and he was having second thoughts about the lack of limits this assurance had insinuated.

He hadn't been happy, hadn't been able to appreciate the visits with her, unable to see her during her work time and even her leisure time had been interrupted by work calls or her being on standby, ready to jump out of the door as soon as she was needed.

Coming home to the loft also meant coming home to ...

"Mr. C, you're home, Che passa?!" said an all too cheerful young voice and he cringed at the sound. Wonderful. Pi was home.

"Where's Alexis?" he asked as soon as the door had closed behind him and he had taken a few steps toward the intruder.

"Oh, she went shopping with grandma C..."

"That's grandma R to you ... 'R' as in 'Rogers'."

Ignoring the underlying disapproving tone in the voice of the older man, Pi turned around and got back to the preparation for the dinner before he realized that he hadn't actually explained his plans. So he turned back around and faced Castle again. "Oh, I volunteered to make dinner tonight and I'm gonna get ahead on the prep. Can I count you in for a nice juicy steak?"

"Well, sure..." Castle said but after a second glance at the ingredients which had been laid out, he arched an eyebrow partly in surprise, partly in disgust and finished his sentence "...that's not steak!"

"That's papaya steak. The juiciest steak that there is...," answered the young man, clearly oblivious to Castle's notion of pain at the comparison between a much anticipated steak that actually consisted of ... well, steak ... and the thing that was being prepared at that moment.

"Is that all fruit?" he asked, his tone laced with disbelief.

"Of course, Mister C. That's all I eat, I'm a fruitarian," Pi said with unbroken conviction and apparent pride in his lifestyle.

"Of course you are." Castle let out a frustrated sigh. Naturally, the loft must have lost some of its appeal if it nowadays attracted all kinds of mad people. Fruitarian? Was that some kind of a job?

"It's the original diet of mankind. Nutrition as God intended ..."

"PI, don't take this the wrong way but how long do you plan to be in residence with us here at Casa Castle?" He dreaded to hear the answer to his question but he simply had to know what the young man was up to. He had been living in their loft from the day he and Alexis had come back from Costa Rica.

"You know, I'm actually in a bind ... In a small kind of bind ... I live In Amsterdam but I kinda ... I kinda lost my passport ... but hey, you don't wanna hear about my troubles, you have your own." PI said, obviously sensing the fact that Castle's emotions were all over the place. And even if Castle wasn't too keen on the kid living in the loft at the too generous invitation of his daughter (and mother, for that matter...) he had to admit that he sometimes hit a nerve.

His nerves especially. Naturally even more so if he touched upon the sensitive topic that was Detective Katherine Beckett. Who now was an agent. Who now lived in a different city. Which was not New York. Which meant she didn't live with him. No more semi-cohabiting, not a chance of full cohabitation. She was gone.

"Hey Mr. C?" Pi asked and Castle who had been absorbed in thoughts about the brunette slowly came back into the here and now, "I take it things didn't go so well in D.C. with your fiancée?"

"No, they didn't..." Castle trailed off, absolutely unsure why on earth he was discussing this delicate issue with some stranger Alexis had picked up in Costa Rica.

"I hope you don't mind me bringing this up but, sometimes the best you can do in situations like this ... is talk about it!" This sounded like an offer to sit down with some fancy type of tea and talk things through. He was so going to decline that offer...

"You know what? You're absolutely right!" Castle turned around, away from the papaya steak, away from the awkward and too fruity fumes in the room and away from the fact that his daughter and mother were not home anyways. He craved a real steak. Or a burger. One with actual meat.

"Where are you going?"

Unable to hide his lack of affection for the guy, Castle just said: "Find someone to talk about it with..."

When he closed the door behind him, Castle felt the strong urge to slam it shut with more force than necessary but stopped himself before he could do so. No need to become childish and stubborn at his age again, no need to judge someone without really knowing him or her in the first place. Due to his growling stomach his focus shifted towards his imminent need for a real steak or a tasty burger so he made up his mind about where to go and ended up in a booth at Remy's, a big multi-layer burger and fries on the plate in front of him and a pint of freshly tapped beer. That felt so much better and he slowly eased back into the feel of the city and the familiar places that he loved and wanted to be at.

Parts of him felt empty without her and he longed for her presence. What he wouldn't give for her to sit opposite him, dipping one of her fries into a strawberry shake, laughing at his startled expression.

"What, Castle? I like strawberry shakes. They are my favorite!" She had said innocently the last time they were at Remy's, wearing a very convinced expression on her face while he shuddered with disgust. If he remembered correctly, they might actually have sat in the very same booth as he did now. He couldn't remember and he scolded himself for the lack of detailed knowledge he had about his time with Beckett. Hadn't it been his strength to notice the small details about situations? Hadn't this been the key to solving several crimes with Beckett's team? The team, which now no longer was Beckett's. Another thing that had changed. Nothing could ever replace her, though. No one could. At least not for him. Still he had missed several hints she had given him. Hadn't it been for his mother and daughter, he would not have figured out that he should actually consider sealing the deal with a small golden band on Kate's finger eventually. Or that there was the imminent need to do so.

"But why would you dip fries into the shake?" he had asked, still wearing a dumbstruck and disgusted expression on his face.

"Because it tastes good" was her simple response as she mumbled with her mouth full. He had found it quite adorable. Another quirk about Beckett, another layer of the onion he had unpeeled. _And with so much more still to discover._

When he realized that he had been staring at his nearly empty plate for longer than probably was socially acceptable, he sighed and signaled the waiter that he was done. Once he paid his bill, he realized that he had to head back to the loft which meant another confrontation with the young man that claimed to have found the ultimate alternative lifestyle.

God, how much he hoped that Alexis wouldn't turn into some form of hippie as well. Even if he had encouraged her more than once to come out of her shell and to be more adventurous, being any sort of hippie simply didn't seem to fit Alexis' character. He shook his head and hailed a cab. It was time to face his fears.

What he didn't realize and couldn't even have spotted with his senses being more awake and attentive was that a pair of binoculars was directed at him, observing his every move.

* * *

He braced himself for the worst as he turned the key in the lock and opened the door to the loft.

"Richard!" exclaimed his mother and shot towards him at an unknown speed. He didn't think he'd ever seen her move so quickly. "You're back!" she added matter-of-factly and his forced grin became even more mask-like.

"Yes, mother, I'm back," he responded, hanging his coat on the coat rack and to make peace with the situation, at least for one evening, he added "I heard that the juiciest steak in the world can be found here?"

"It can" said Alexis flatly, making no move to hug her father. Instead she hovered in the kitchen, close to her friend, which was a strange thing for her to do in itself. Especially if her father had just returned from a longer trip to Washington D.C.. He decided to let it go and took his seat at his usual spot which was still set for an occupant, the mountain blue placemats shining in the candlelight.

"I'm tired" Alexis announced suddenly and without waiting for any responses she ascended the stairs to her former room which still remained to be hers. She hadn't returned to her dorm room once since she had come back from Costa Rica, probably also because it wouldn't be as comfortable and convenient as the loft. For this Castle was somewhat glad when he learned that Pi as a matter of course had moved into the vacant guest room. There was no way these two would be sharing a room in his apartment. At least not if he could prevent it from happening.

Castle shrugged his shoulders and decided that he wouldn't go after his daughter to find out what her mood swings were all about. Not tonight. Instead he would try to fight down his annoyance at the young intruder and would at least try to enjoy the meal that he had prepared for all of them.

Pi seemed to sense that Castle hadn't found someone to talk to just yet but was wise enough not to address it again. After he sat down the plates in front of Castle and Martha he excused himself and retreated back to the guest room. To read, as he said. Probably either about saving the rainforest or the healthiest food on the planet. Or a combination of the two.

"You don't like him too much," Martha stated matter-of-factly as soon as Pi was out of hearing range and Castle coughed out small chunks of Papaya.

"Oh come on, Richard, don't pretend that you like him. But we must still acknowledge that he is a charming young fellow with good manners ..." Martha added and Castle cut in: "And a strange taste in food. Not to mention the fact that he is quite intrusive."

"Well, dear, that is true," Martha said and took another small bite of her 'steak.' Castle just continued to gloomily stare at the papaya pieces on his plate. If he hadn't eaten beforehand, this might have starved him tonight. If he had to guess, the fridge wasn't filled with anything unhealthy but only with fruits, vegetables and all other things gross. He shuddered again, cringing at the thought of having to eat out each day that Alexis' friend spent in his loft.

"And now," Martha tried to get the conversation going once again, "do you want to tell me what has been going on with you and Katherine, dear? Oh, don't look at me like that Richard, something happened and I figure you wanna talk about it. And our friend Pi..." she trailed of, gesturing towards the guest room "...is surely not the right choice, although he offers his listening qualities to pretty much anyone who will listen."

Castle snorted and shoved the plate away from him. Enough of papaya steaks, steaks that didn't deserve to be called steaks. Enough of the secrets, he needed someone to talk to and if he had gathered anything during the last couple of months, he had learned that his mother sure had her moments of wisdom. He could use one of those about this situation. But at the same time what if he didn't like what she had to say.

"Do you mind if we talk about this later? I kinda have to sleep on that one," Castle said and Martha nodded apprehensively. He needed time to reflect on his own. She respected that.

"Whenever you're ready," she said and getting up, "don't bother about the plates. I'll take care of them if you want to go straight to bed. You look tired."

"Thank you for that assessment Mother," Castle retorted, only half sarcastically. Until she mentioned it, he had felt fine but now suddenly his head was beginning to pound and the exhaustion wasn't far behind.

* * *

**Author's notes- **

**GoogleknowsUs:**

Welcome to this wild ride. Thanks for your patience, we're aware that we meant to post this earlier, heartfelt apologies for that! I hope you enjoy speculating with Leigh and myself on how season 6 might start. Come back after „Valkyrie" and "Dreamworld" to see how accurate this might have been and laugh at us, if it hasn't been. We'd love to hear from you, find my twitter handle at "Googleknowsme".

If you want to speculate in a review, feel free to do so, also. We love to read them!

**WriterLeigh:**

Hollaa humanity (: We hope you guys are having as much fun reading this as we have had/continue to have brainstorming ideas & writing. I'm actually really proud of this story and where we're headed as its a completely different collaborative experience to anything I've ever done before. If you made it all the way to the end of this chapter then well done ;) Reviews are pretty much love! Constructive criticism is always welcomed. You can also tweet/follow me at "justleanneee"


	2. Chapter 2

**_Disclaimer: _**_We still don't own anything you recognize - however, we incorporated the deleted scene from Watershed into this chapter, which is in italics. It worked so well with the rest of our story and we felt that we had to use it. [Why did that not make the cut? D'uh!] _

_The title of this work of fiction has been shamelessly borrowed from one of the later episodes of season 6, because we thought it fit so well. So everything you recognize is property of Andrew W. Marlowe, we've just taken everything out to play. _

_We do own Detective Stephanie Dunbar and if there is any resemblance to any other person, well, it is purely accidental. We still do not want you to sue us, we are still just university students and so far neither of us have won the lottery. D'uh again!_

* * *

**Need to Know**  
**Chapter Two**

The room was completely thrown into darkness, with the exception of the end credits of the movie rolling on the big plasma screen, casting flickering shadows upon the wall behind her. As suddenly as the music came to a crescendo and then faded to nothing, his job was done. She hadn't heard him approach until it was too late, caught completely unaware and the sounds of their struggle had been muffled by the amplified volume of the running action movie. It was over quicker than he expected, only a matter of minutes before the color drained from her face and she moved no more. He'd anticipated (and subsequently planned for) her putting up more of a struggle and now he was surprised how easy it all was. The victim's cries which had been muffled by a big, gloved hand, still echoed in the distant chambers of his brain but it didn't perturb him and in fact he seemed altogether rather amused, standing in the centre of her living room, where the body now lay. Now patience was needed.

The plan had a step two, and this step two only worked post-mortem. Everything else was just a bloody mess. The first part was easy, but this needed to be clean. No one was supposed to connect him to this. Still, he needed to make sure that the right people found her. And that they alerted the right people. He took out the little roll that he had brought and unrolled it on a small table nearby. Several surgical knives reflected off the light that the TV created in the room.

"I found you, it's been so long," he murmured as he bent down to attend to the female lying on the ground. Surprisingly gracefully for a man of his stature, he brushed her hair back from her face. "For seven years you hid from me Cora, but now I finally found you and this can all come to an end." There was a quiet note of triumph resonating in his words. He moved his gloved hand to her cheek with a touch that could again only be described as tender, stubby fingers feathering against her porcelain skin. meanwhile observing the unnatural stare that looked into nowhere.

"You really shouldn't have done this, you know?" His voice carried in the stillness of the room and he once surveyed the changes to her familiar features, almost reverently. She should not have done it, really should not have betrayed him- them, betrayed the system, betrayed the country. There was a price tag on treachery and it was a high price to pay. She had known that and still decided to wear her true colors on her sleeve. In very much the same way she should not have been surprised that he had stayed true to who he was. Killing her had been his duty, at least somehow - and there was no room for remorse. She was a smart girl, and he had no doubts she'd known it would come down to this. Yes, she'd always known that it would be him in the end.

"Nice apartment you have here," he said, a twisted smile gracing his lips and a careless glance back towards his unresponsive companion. "but I've always known that you had good taste. It's just a shame that didn't extend to your taste in men." His words were matter of fact, laced only with the faintest strains of laughter. "Since. I. was. one. of. them." Each word was punctuated by his warm breath ghosting across the side of her face, in a complete contrast to her rapidly cooling corpse.

He let his attention shift from the body and his gaze wander around the room, facial features arranging themselves into a seemingly mirthful expression. Exquisite furniture, and even for someone who had spent the past several years living undercover, she seemed to have decided that she deserved a higher standard in her life_. Who could blame her?_ He made sure that the curtains were tightly shut, away from the unsuspecting eyes of the rest of the world and switched on a small lamp, bathing the room in a dim glow. Expensive flower arrangements decorated the room, nearly every flat surface was adorned by bouquets or vases.

He drew his attention away from his surroundings and got to work. He was sure she wouldn't be found quickly, so he took his time. His movements were deliberate, precise, exercising a great degree of care with every cut he made, reveling in the way the sharp blade sliced into her body cavity. He watched with morbid fascination as blood seeped into the carpet and congealed and it was a full forty-five minutes before he stood back to survey his handiwork. Only the torso remained behind. The victim's head was carefully stored in a black cool box. As were her fingers. He didn't want to make it too easy. After he left the apartment, he took his gloves off, put them in his backpack and making sure no one was watching, headed quickly for the staircase.

Satisfied he hadn't been seen, he contemplated her building momentarily from across the street before doing what he did best. His work here was done and it was time to disappear because now it was a game of patience. A case of waiting for the dominoes to fall.

* * *

The living room was barely lit by the lights from New York City. The book shelves in the room were filled with all things mystery, Patterson, Grisham, Ludlum, Connelly and Brown. In between them, some shelves were filled with more personal items. Silver frames that showed several stages of Alexis' life, some as a baby, toddler, a young kindergarden kid. Just recently, Castle had made some additions to it. The first picture of him and Beckett at the release party of "Heat Wave", her annoyance clearly visible but even if Kate had complained several times that it didn't actually reflect the progress of their relationship, Castle had insisted that it needed to be there. So it stood there, next to a picture of Alexis at her graduation speech. Like equals. Like both meant the same. He still hoped that one day the shelf would be filled with a wedding picture of him and Kate. He still wanted it, the crystal clear vision of her in a beautiful wedding dress appeared in his head more frequently than he wished.

He slowly wandered through the room and pondered what the hell had happened so that nothing stayed the same. She was gone, lived and worked in Washington D.C. and he was now back in New York. If only he had known what had been going on in Kate's mind at the time he had last seen her in this living room. The atmosphere of the room reminded him of that particular occasion and stopped him dead in his tracks, his mind starting to wander.

_The room had been equally dark, it was 2.23am in the morning when he had realized that she wasn't still peacefully sleeping next to him. In fact, she had tossed and turned until she finally fell asleep and mere hours later she was gone. Worried, he slowly got up, his mid still clouded by sleep. He missed having her next to him and he concluded that was what woke him up in the first place. He dressed in his robe to shield himself against the chilly air in the apartment and made his way into the living room to find her there, slumped on the couch, her eyes wide open and staring into nowhere._

_"Hey," he said, his voice husky and sleepy as he approached the couch and sat down on the arm-rest of the adjacent chair._

_"Hey, couldn't sleep" was all she responded to his slightly worried tone and his forehead crinkled at the more nonchalant and all too quick response she had given him but he decided to let go in order to find out what bothered her. If she told him what did._

_"The case?" he asked her and hoped to drop her a line to answer and tell him more about what kept her awake in the wee hours of the night._

_She twirled her hair with her left hand which was always a sign that something more important was going on she didn't want to speak about. "Yeah, among other things" she pressed out eventually, looking rather sad._

_Castle decided to let it go and uplift her with one of his ideas, one he thought seemed fitting at the time; not as a strategy to divert her attention, that was not the intention behind it. At least not for him. He could see her aggravated state of mind and simply wanted to ease some of her tension. So he went on and suggested a course of action for the upcoming weeks: "You know what you need? Both of us, actually? A long vacation!"_

_She looked at him, partly surprised, partly just tired. Tired because she had been up for about an hour, thinking things through. And also tired because she knew what had to come next. They wouldn't be talking about the issues that bothered her and he would suggest something that kept them from doing it. In this case, a getaway. But if she was completely honest with herself, right now she didn't want to talk to him about D.C.. About a job offer that could potentially change her life. Their lives. Did that make her a bad person? A bad girlfriend? She didn't know and she didn't want to also deepen such a thought whilst so much needed to be thought through._

_"Just turn off our brains," added Castle and Kate felt a sarcastic laugh fighting its way up her throat and out of her mouth. She has trouble fighting it down. If he couldn't actually see how much she was thinking and that it had to be important ... what was the deal with them, then?_

_"What do you say," he went on, as her face was emotionless and she was awaiting his proposal, "next month after the book is in ... we take a couple of weeks, go out to the Hamptons, just the two of us."_

_The slightly suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows at 'just the two of us' had her smiling just barely and he noticed it, ultimately encouraging that he was proposing something she might say 'yes' to._

_"Yeah, that sounds great," she responded, still twirling a strand of her hair with her left hand. Castle detected the absence of enthusiasm but attributed it to her lack of sleep._

_"It will be," he said, his tone reassuring and rose to his feet, "now, quit thinking so much. Gets your forehead all wrinkly. Like I am dating a Shar Pei." He leaned down towards her and placed a soft, loving kiss on the top of her head that sent shivers down her spine. Always so loving, always so devoted, but always so clueless. Even if she didn't actually want to smile, a broad happy smile made its way onto her face and for a second she was completely content with the situation. Before the doubts kicked in again._

_"Is that what we're doing, dating?" she asked Castle, who had started on his way back to the bedroom. She looked at him, hoping for a definite answer of what to expect from them. Another hint she dropped. One she hoped he would pick up. He turned around to face her once again and her heart sank, because she could tell that he hadn't._

_"Dating, being with, semi-cohabiting," her face fell at the indefinite answer he was giving her once again, "tell you what we're not doing: Sleeping."_  
_He gave her a pleading look and added: "Come on, back to bed." With that he turned back around and slurped into the bedroom, leaving her alone with her thoughts once again._

"Yeah, I'll be there in a minute" she whispered almost inaudibly and her mind went back into thinking that she didn't have a clue where the relationship was going. She needed answers. And she needed them fast.

If only he had known back then. Things might have been less complicated. But when had it not been complicated between the two of them? The secrets had piled up between them yet AGAIN and introspectively, he contemplated if he'd have been better off telling her about the little velvet box in his desk drawer sooner, wondered whether it would have made her think differently about her decision. He could tell she still thought it was a spur of the moment decision, but it wasn't - or at least it wasn't intended to be, and he'd actually had the ring for several weeks prior to their fall out. But he was waiting for the right moment and it had been in the back of his mind during their conversation that evening. After all, there was nothing better than a romantic getaway as the setting for popping the all important question, was there?

He sighed and switched the lamp on his desk on. He flipped his notebook open and hit the power button, hearing the steady and strangely reassuring whirring noise it made as it came to life. It was approaching three a.m and attempting sleep had been futile, as he'd predicted it would be. Without her by his side there was no way he would get any rest, at least not during the first night they spent apart again. Another sign of how dependent he had become on her, how much it meant to him that she was happy and successful. Even if he suffered, it had never been clearer to him that she deserved all the happiness in the world.

He sat down on his leather chair and adjusted it to his liking. Then he stared at the blinking cursor of his document until the sun rose behind the New York skyline and the first rays of sunlight tickled his nose.

* * *

Martha found her son lying face down on his desk, small remnants of drool on the side of his mouth and him making small snoring noises. He had either written during the night and then fallen asleep doing so or had attempted to write for his next novel 'Federal Heat' and had failed miserably. She surveyed the blank document with its menacing blinking cursor and upon taking in the rest of the desk, opted strongly for the latter. A small glass and an almost empty bottle of amber colored liquor indicated clearly what must have happened sometime between her sending him to bed and waking him up.

As glad as she was that he was sleeping peacefully, she felt that he would want her to wake him up, particularly because as comfortable as that position might have been initially, she was sure it would have lost some of its appeal after several hours. Choosing a rather drastic method and inwardly smiling at the thought, she went into his bathroom and fetched a small towel. Moistening it with cold water, Martha squeezed the excess water out and went back into the study to wake her son up.

"Uuuuuuahhhhhhhh," Castle let out a high pitched scream as the wet towel hit his neck, assaulting his senses and making him stare wildly around for the source. Martha just chuckled at his sleepy but dumbstruck expression.

"Good morning, sunshine," she piped in her singsong voice and he took the towel from his neck and ran it over his face, once, twice, three times, wincing when his mother exuberantly threw open the blinds.

"Coffee," he rasped out, with only a minimal awareness of his surroundings, because any sudden movement coupled with the almost blinding sunlight which now filled the room, caused his head to pound vigorously.

"Freshly brewed," his mother added and he shot her a thankful look before making his way slowly past her and into the kitchen, where he could literally smell the coffee and the bacon keeping warm under the grill.

"Soooo..." Martha started. Castle could tell that she would not let go of the topic and he felt like he was ready to talk about parts of it.

"It's not working," he started as he poured himself a big cup of coffee and proceeded to make himself a sandwich. This worked two-fold in buying him a little more time, and gave him the added opportunity to use the kitchen counter for protection from Martha's enquiring glances.

"What's not working, Richard?"

"Me, Kate, New York, D.C, this isn't working, we're not working." His words were flat, toneless and he took a grateful gulp of liquid from the steaming cup. "I wish it was, I really wish it was," he added almost as an afterthought.

"I see," Martha answered thoughtfully, offering no further comment, "and does Katherine agree?"

Castle slowly chewed a mouthful of his breakfast, only giving a non-committal shrug of his shoulders in response to her question. _That was half of the problem._ He had no idea how Kate felt most of the time and since she'd been gone they seemed to have slipped back into this pattern of skating over the serious issues. He also intentionally avoided his mother's gaze because there had been something all too knowing in her expression ever since he returned home early from D.C. He got the feeling she knew what was troubling him more than she let on. "I don't know, maybe she would if she had as much time to contemplate it as I do," he answered sagely, feeling a sudden flood of words bubble up in his throat. He looked down at the sandwich he was holding, and let the plate clatter deliberately onto the counter; suddenly he wasn't so hungry anymore.

"I feel like a fool for even trying to compete with that new job of hers," he admitted, barely raising his voice. "It shouldn't even be a competition but its too time-consuming, it is so challenging. And what do I even have to offer?" Castle forced the words from his throat, beginning to pace the room, the obvious differences between their current living arrangements and the complexity of Kate's new job all too present on his mind. "Kate needs a challenge, she thrives on it and this job gives her that tenfold. What more could she possibly need?"

"Of all the daft things I've ever heard you say, I think that one takes the cake. Don't be ridiculous! Yes she took an incredible opportunity because it came her way, but in case it's escaped your notice, she also said yes to becoming your wife. Do you really think that's a decision someone like Kate Beckett would make lightly?"

As much as his mother would always be in his corner, she could still remain objective, and comfortable in advocating for Kate. She'd watched the two of them dance around each other for so long she'd started to think she wouldn't live to see them finally realize what everyone else had almost from the start. She'd seen them break each other apart more times than was healthy and watched them find a way back when it genuinely seemed like they'd be better off apart. If they could make it through all that then there was no doubt that this was worth fighting for. The intensely private Kate Beckett who once shied away from commitment had opened up to him enough to give them a chance, and now she'd accepted his marriage proposal which was no small feat. It was just making him see that she was invested or at the very least giving him little room to doubt it.

_If only that were all it boiled down to_. "'s not that easy," he mumbled around his mouthful, swallowing hard and feeling too-hot coffee scald the back of his throat.

"Talk about preaching to the choir darling! Love never is, Richard, it never is. But hear some words of wisdom from your old mother," Martha started and Castle raised an eyebrow at the word old, because it wasn't one that was in her vocabulary. Vibrant maybe, but she never ever described herself as old. She desperately wanted to stay in the game, stay active. If she pointed out her age she felt the need to offer extensive life advice, and this time he found he was actually eager to listen to it. _She had her moments after all._

"If relationships were easy, it would mean you didn't need to fight for them in the first place. They'd lose their passion, they'd lose their meaning. Think about all the obstacles you've overcome together. You spent four years chasing her, are you really willing to throw it all away now that you have her? Are you really ready to let her get away?"

"I don't think I have to remind you that 'the one that got away' is a completely different person," he retorted wryly, referring to his former girlfriend Kyra Blaine.

"And I hardly think I need to remind you that the circumstances are, admittedly not the same but similar," Martha threw his words back at him, "things got too serious with Kyra and she ran away. Katherine-"

"Kate isn't running away," Castle answered automatically, choosing that moment to actually look at his mother and seeing a flicker of something resembling triumph flicker across her face in the split second before she rearranged her features. With a faint twinge of annoyance, he realized that he'd probably just played exactly into her hands. "And Kyra- things might have been different with her a second time around," he tried to eliminate any trace of defensiveness from his tone.

"Nonsense darling," Martha started airily, "she was always meant to be with someone else. You went to her wedding, you talked with her and I knew then that you could see that. You might have blocked it out, but I remember what it was like when you broke up." There was an almost dramatic pause and Castle could tell from her pointed stare, it was deliberate on her part to make him think.

"Incidentally that goes on to prove my point," she said after about thirty seconds of reflection had passed. "Life does sometimes offer second chances but is it really wise to resort to to them? What I'm saying is, don't let Katherine go away because you have doubts because anyone can see that this - this is right. She's the one who's supposed to be with you and you're the one who is supposed to be with her. Not Meredith, her only redeeming feature is that she has given us Alexis. Not Kyra, certainly not Gina..."

"Hey, mother, we are talking about my second wife here," Castle interrupted pointedly, but Martha merely smiled.

"Yes, that's true and I am not judging the poor choices you've made in the past," she grinned and despite himself, Castle felt the almost imperceptible hint of a grin tugging at the corners of his lips. "But you're a different person now and Katherine- she's not like any of the others. I think you two owe it to yourselves to try and make it work. That's if you still want it to work out."

"Of course I do, I love her. I really love her," he responded suddenly in earnest, determined and calm, in very much the manner he had been when he proposed.

"But-" his mother prompted, pretending not to notice the emotion in his voice.

"But loving her isn't enough, hell, even marrying her isn't enough," he said flatly. "We have to look beyond marriage otherwise we don't stand a chance and I just don't see how that new job of hers might become less challenging after a while. I don't see how she'll ever be able to put us first, and I'd feel selfish for asking her to." He eventually glanced away from the spot he'd been staring at and saw the look of dawning comprehension on his mother's face as she realized what this was really about.

Martha opened her mouth and Castle could tell she was about to interject, so he cut her off before she could. "Just try to imagine it mother, classified information, the most interesting cases, exotic places, strange cases on a much higher level than before. How can this not be interesting for years to come?"

"So you're worried she might never get tired of it but might eventually get tired of you?" Martha asked and when her son didn't respond she took this as his answer, "Is there something you're planning that can't wait?"

He hedged but eventually conceded, under his mother's beady-eyed stare, "I've been thinking about kids."

"Oh Richard," Martha said, her eyes growing wider. She hurried around the kitchen counter to be closer to her son, "does she know?"

"Unless her new training provided her with an aptitude for reading minds, then no. How's she supposed to know? I mean, we don't talk about things. We evade things until they're staring us in the face, and we openly hide things from each other because we're scared they'll be what breaks us. How's that a good thing? How's that helping?"

"You're right, that isn't helping," Martha said, sympathetically, "but fleeing the scene and hurrying back to New York isn't either, don't you think?" There was no recrimination in her tone, only common sense.

There was a moment of silence. "Kate has always believed that she couldn't have it all - that she had to make a choice and I convinced her she didn't - I convinced her that we could do this, but what if I was wrong? What if I only told her that because it's what I needed to believe?" He looked stricken as he registered how much truth there was to the words spilling carelessly from his lips, and his mother's fingers clasped around his wrist, grounding him.

"Think back Richard, think back five years and remember the Kate Beckett you first knew. The woman who pushed you away time and time again because you invaded her comfort zone once and kept on pushing. Now flash forward to today. In as many ways as she's changed - for the better I might add - in so many ways she's still the same person she always was. She deals with a basis in fact and I have no hesitation in saying that no amount of words from anyone could convince Katherine of anything if they didn't have a shred of proof backing them up."

"What are you saying?"

"What I'm saying darling is that the facts speak for themselves and actions speak louder than words. Katherine agreed to marry you, which in itself speaks volumes. It practically screams that she has faith in the two of you, and that you've done something to make that faith justified."

As her son didn't respond to her speech and simply stared into nothingness, Martha added: "On another note, I presume by the messages Gina keeps leaving that you're still coming up empty? Maybe you wanna kick off your writing with another visit to the precinct? Or does Captain Gates not want you around without Katherine making sure you tow the line?"

That brought something of a small smile to his face and when he looked back at his mother, he could tell they were both thinking the same thing. _Like Kate could ever keep him out of trouble for too long_. He seemed to come out of his brief trance enough to reply, "Uh, oh .. actually, I am free to go back if I want to. Can't say I expected that to happen."

"You always said she'd warm to you eventually," Martha chuckled and gave her son an encouraging clap on the back, pleased that he seemed to have regained some of his character. "Go, get yourself sorted out and then you can decide what you want to do. I have some business of my own to attend to-"

"The Martha Rodgers School of Acting?" he asked and she nodded. "The home of future stars."

* * *

Kate looked out across the city, and for a moment she was taken aback by the unfamiliarity of her surroundings. She still had those moments when it didn't quite seem real - and this was one of them. There was something to be said for the concrete jungle that was New York, something which, as grand as it was, the U.S Capitol building on the horizon didn't quite measure up to. The sky was completely grey, reflecting the grim mood that seemed to have gripped Kate ever since she first opened her eyes that morning. She sighed, feeling the beginnings of a headache brewing and leaned forward, letting her head rest on the cool glass, in an attempt to ease the throbbing.

_It was funny_, she mused, the things you missed when you didn't see them every day. The imposing Manhattan cityscape hadn't been something she thought would be too consequential but after about a week what had become apparent was that she'd found the absence of such a skyline bothered her. _Apparently there really was no place like home._ It wasn't that she was naive enough to have believed that DC would immediately feel like home, but it had been six weeks now and she'd deny it if anyone asked (old habits did die hard after all) but she didn't even feel like she was settling down.

She was no stranger to change, in fact she'd go so far as to say she was easily adaptable to it; but maybe this was why she felt so out of her depth. It was all so much harder than she'd anticipated it would be and it wasn't even that she was having second thoughts so much, as the job was proving a challenge. Ordinarily this would have been something she could throw herself into but she hadn't quite realized how much she'd have to relearn, how many of her old habits she'd have to break and how many mistakes she would make along the way. She only guessed that spending so long at the top of her game had made her slightly complacent, and she didn't like that feeling in the slightest.

Her colleagues were nice enough she supposed, but they weren't Esposito and Ryan. Too detached, although that was part and parcel of the job, something she was still having trouble adjusting to. Rachel, as nice and as solid as she was - as much as Kate found a lot of traits she respected in her, the truth of the matter was_ she wasn't Lanie_. She felt a pang of guilt as she thought of her friends back in New York, because she hadn't spoken to them in what had to be two weeks - Esposito even longer than that. They'd actually exchanged very few words before she left and although he never openly challenged her on it, he'd been the nearest thing to family she had for a long time and she knew he felt betrayed. It might have resolved itself had Lanie not let it slip that Kate had confided in her about the opportunity, even before speaking to Castle - causing friction between her friends too, which she felt terrible for.

She berated herself for all the secrets she had kept from her friends, from her fiancé. If there was one thing she should have learned from the past few years, from their turbulent and unorthodox partnership, it was that secrets had never worked for them, for any of them. Secrets had only divided them and without a doubt done irreparable damage to their relationships - regardless of how things were now. Not confiding in people had only torn them further apart, created barriers, walls, further secrets.

She moved away from the window and surveyed her apartment. There were possessions still stood in boxes - when Castle had queried her about them, she'd brushed it off as not having had the time to completely unpack but the truth was (and she suspected he probably knew it too, given how knowledgeable he had always been when it came to her) that she wasn't quite ready to do so. Because doing so would mean that she should start referring to this place as home. Moving over to one of the cardboard boxes, she reached inside and rifled around briefly before coming up with a bound manuscript, complete with cover. It was the first copy of Deadly Heat - which wasn't due for release until September but ever since they'd had that argument over her jealousy towards 'Miss Cosmo reporter' he'd made sure, much to Gina's disapproval (which Castle seemed to revel in) that she always had access to it first.

She ran her fingers almost reverently over the cover page before turning to the dedication she'd committed to memory weeks ago:

_**'To KB: May the dance never end and the music never stop,'**_

He'd presented her with it on her last night in New York and whatever she'd been expecting she didn't know, but the words had hit her somewhere deep inside and she'd cried in his arms for a long time that night. It was only when she was on the plane, that she realized what it must have meant, Castle had spoken to her dad - and he'd voiced her innermost fears. And instead of challenging her on them, Castle had reassured her in the only way he knew would get through to her.

A tear ran down her cheek before she could stop it, and then another but she was too exhausted to care, in every sense of the word. Physically and mentally. The job was so tiring, and whereas she knew her nineteen year old self wouldn't have had a problem with it, now it was so tough conditioning herself into not feeling. She was tired of having to fight this unfamiliar impulse to cry all the time, something made especially difficult because because her emotions never seemed far from the surface these days.

She hesitated before turning the pages because in truth she hadn't been able to bring herself to read any further than the dedication. It was stupid really, because his words should have made her feel closer to him instead of making her feeling even lonelier and like she'd failed him somehow. Feeling this powerless wasn't a feeling she was used to and she really needed to shake it off.

She felt the sudden urge to make a connection to New York City and grabbed her phone. Sudden guilt washed over her when she scrolled past Lanie's contact details. She really should have been in touch with her more- but the forlorn state she was currently in didn't make it possible to choose Lanie as her dialog partner. Her voice would give her away in an instant, and even in the rare instance it didn't, the things she didn't say would betray her. Lanie always had the power to get to the bottom of things with just a few words and Kate refused to cry whilst speaking to her friend on the phone with all the miles between them. She kept scrolling until she reached Ryan, and though she'd genuinely intended to call and congratulate him, it didn't stop her from hesitantly hovering above the call button before pressing. _Who was she these days, and what the hell had she done with Kate Beckett?_

As their connection established, Kate tapped her foot impatiently against the floor. She didn't quite know how she'd gotten this restless again but it dawned on her that she might have embraced some of the attributes the old Beckett would have had. The Beckett who met her favorite author at a book party, what seemed like a lifetime ago now and who had shoved her badge into his face. Then again, the old Beckett would have loved the upbeat tempo of her new work environment, would have embraced the opportunity more and would have felt so much more enthusiastic about the various challenges the FBI job offered. She wouldn't have doubted for a second it was where she belonged, but Kate - the product of her time and later, her relationship with Rick Castle - couldn't help but to let those doubts fester and multiply. Kate was someone who longed for news about unborn babies, who missed her familiar routines and being able to empathize with the people she came into contact with. She was someone who no longer had a foot out of the door but instead a foot in Washington D.C.

"Hello? Is that really Kate Beckett or is this a mirage?" Ryan picked up the call and even if he was just joking, she felt that knot of guilt twisting up her insides, though truth be told it didn't take much for it to rear it's head these days. But that was on her as he rightfully reminded her that she hadn't called in a few weeks.

"It is really me," she said, her voice unusually small and holding a note of insecurity, which she half-hoped Ryan would put down to their less-than-stellar connection. "I meant to call, but things have been crazy busy."

"You not at work right now?"

Kate tried to inject a note of enthusiasm into her tone as she responded, "we just closed our case and were practically ordered to take a day off."

"You sound less than thrilled about that," Ryan's amusement echoed down the line, "are you loving it that much that you can't bear to be away from the place for a day?"

He'd touched a nerve and Kate drew a sharp breath, trying to ignore the sudden miserable stab of her conscience at the same time as fighting down a tidal wave of panic. _Had she really got this so badly wrong?_

"Beckett, what's going on?" Her silence was clearly unnerving to Ryan; she could detect the concern in his voice and the lump in her throat became even more pronounced. Her eyes misted over and she had no idea how she was supposed to pretend everything was fine.

"Nothing," she croaked, in no shape to deceive her friend. It scared her how badly she wanted to turn around to him and say 'everything.'

"'Nothing', Beckett?" Ryan simply asked to give her some space to answer herself. He was still following the old 'never push Kate Beckett' rule and she realized how much she hated it. They deserved to be in each other's lives and they also had every right to push the other person forward after a long time of camaraderie. She angrily swiped at her cheek with her sleeve and swallowed enough to be able to speak.

"It's lonely here sometimes," she managed and the moment she said it, she realized how monumental her confession really was, "and I feel like I am missing out on so much. Castle showed me the scan. Twins, Kevin? Congratulations! That is amazing!"

"Thank you! We're over the moon! I sure won't be lonely anytime soon," he responded, "I always imagine how Jenny must feel with them swimming inside of her..."

"I bet," Kate smiled but her smile faded when she heard Ryan's next question.

"If this job isn't what you wanted, why aren't you back, yet?" He seemed to second guess what she was thinking, "you know no one here will think any less of you if you admit the job isn't for you."

"Look, Ryan, it's not that easy," Kate said quietly, unsure how much she should tell her friend about her thoughts on her current living and work arrangements. She knew her answer was something of a cop out but truthfully she didn't know what else to say, because it was a question that constantly occupied her mind and she was still no further forward. Not to mention that Castle was still under the impression that everything was fine, because she was busy and he was busy. It wasn't a justification but for whatever reason they just hadn't gotten around to talking about it.

"When is it ever?" Ryan shot back and added, "especially if a long-distance relationship is part of the deal as well. But you know what, you figure it out. You always have. Listen, I'm sorry to bail but I've gotta go, Jenny isn't feeling too well and I have to be a good husband and father and care for her before I have to go into work later."

"Morning sickness?" Kate asked, uncertain how else to comment and assuming only what seemed obvious, having no experience herself.

"Oh, no, that part is over for a while now. She has gained some weight and is unhappy but she is craving all kinds of different food at the same time so ... it is hard to balance it. I am not lying, it is quite a challenge."

"I imagine," Kate said and subconsciously, her hand strayed to her stomach, resting against the small curve and providing her with an illogical sense of comfort. It stayed there for as long as she stared out of the window when their phone call had long disconnected.

* * *

When Ryan arrived at the precinct forty-five minutes later, the desk of his partner was deserted and Esposito was nowhere to be seen. Interestingly, this was also true for the latest addition to their team, Stephanie Dunbar. Ryan looked around but except from Detective Karpowski, all other desks were abandoned. He began to wonder if he hadn't gotten the memo about a secret office party or about additional hours off.

He sighed and sat down behind his desk, turning around in his chair mere moments ago when he heard Esposito's voice "... and the fancy coffee machine is still here, Castle wanted it to stay so that we would never have to suffer from what he called 'coffee influenza' ever again. Really, you shoulda tried the coffee that we had before, dis-gus-ting..."

Esposito was on what looked like a tour through the precinct, followed by an observant but none too enthusiastic Detective Dunbar at his heels. Right now they were leaving the kitchen area and he was showing her the break room and what appears to be the quickest route to the bathroom. Ryan observed them carefully, furrowing his brows. Esposito reminded him of a tour guide in a big city, one hand gesturing away at the various sights and (the only thing missing was) an umbrella in a flamboyant color in his other hand.

A while back Esposito had been flirting with tech specialist Tori Ellis, and Ryan had hesitated to say anything on the topic. He merely dropped some hints alluding to Esposito's relationship status but the Latino hadn't gotten it. Being someone who was convinced that secret smiles, sharing intimate laughs and especially brief touches were reserved for the partner only, Ryan couldn't imagine sharing those things with anyone else than his wife Jenny. Esposito on the other hand had always been the flirtatious one, the competitive ex-military who fought to be recognized whenever a competitive situation between the two had occurred.

The unusual tour seemed to have come to an end since Steph was already back behind her desk, still getting familiar with the new work environment and re-considering her desk organization as she hit new obstacles, meaning, new things to put on already limited desk space. Esposito was casually leaning on his desk and - despite watching her quite intently - caught Ryan's questioning look, out of the corner of his eye.

"What? I was just showing her around?" he defended himself, automatically concluding that Ryan's gaze had been an accusation in the first place.

"I didn't say anything!" Ryan answered.

"But you gave me the look!"

"What look?" Ryan asked, now entirely confused.

"Not 'what look', 'the look'" Esposito explained and when Ryan still looked mystified, he shook his head and proceeded to elaborate. "The look Beckett used to give us, the one that always said 'are you serious?' Don't tell me you don't remember her looking at us like that? What about that time you and Castle went off chasing ghosts?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember that one," Ryan said, "although to be fair, she didn't use it on us too often as soon as Castle started following her around."

"Yeah, true bro. What's up with that though? You trying to channel her spirit?" Esposito bantered grinning. The grin quickly faded and they both seemed to realize simultaneously that it was the first time either of them had referred to her by name in quite a while. "Do you think we should call her?"

"Oh, she called me this morning." Ryan answered, not entirely realizing the enormity of the can of worms he was opening up by sharing this particular piece of information.

"You spoke to her?" Esposito needed to verify the information his colleague had just given him and couldn't fully hide the resentment lacing his words. Beckett hadn't even bothered calling him in weeks.

"Yeah, yeah, I did-" he was beginning to rethink this, but it was too late to back out of an explanation, "Castle showed her the scan photo and she called to congratulate us." Ryan finished, almost apologetically glancing across at his partner, "listen man, I know you're upset about her not calling but..."

"I'm not upset," Esposito raised his voice which caused two things to happen instantaneously. Firstly Stephanie looked up from her work and the Latino realized he should probably tone his voice down a notch, and second Ryan just stared at him, with a look that said he clearly didn't believe him, "I'm not, I'm just angry but I guess she is pretty busy with all the FBI suits running around solving the 'important' crimes that are out there. It's just..."

"Frustrating?"

"You could use that word," despite himself Esposito grinned, "but you could also use..."

"Annoying?"

"Still not what I meant but I'll let this go."

"Good idea," Esposito answered shortly.

After a few seconds of silence which both detectives needed to reflect on the conversation, Ryan tried to employ a different tactic, "she's lonely."

"She coulda stayed," said Esposito, matter-of-factly and making it clear that he felt she only had herself to blame. As much as he wanted to defend her, Ryan had to admit he had a point.

"But she hasn't."

"Does she regret going?" Esposito challenged, and Ryan's moment of hesitation before responding, didn't go unnoticed.

"Javi, you know it's not in Beckett's nature to admit when she's wrong-"

His partner glared at him, but Ryan stared him down despite his discomfort, "that doesn't answer my question bro."

"I really don't know," Ryan admitted, thinking back over their brief conversation and Kate's demeanor. "I don't think she does either- but I know that she misses us. A lot. I gotta say I miss her, too. It's not the same without her being here, so just cut her a bit of slack okay?"

"Even if it is your team now?" Esposito tried to lighten the mood and punched Ryan in the arm, but he deliberately ignored the tail end of his sentence because he was still too annoyed with Beckett to even think about giving her a break right now.

"Not if this means that I am the one replacing her." When Captain Gates had broken the news, it'd been a sore point with Ryan for a couple of days because until Esposito snapped at him, he'd been obsessing over the disparity between himself and Beckett.

"Oh come on, technically, Steph is..."

"Speaking of which, did you mention our new colleague to Lanie? Should she not know that Steph is fairly attractive?" Ryan eagerly jumped on the change of subject.

"Fairly attractive? She's hot!" retorted Esposito and Ryan just grinned.

"That was a trap, you wanted me to say that so you could hold it against me as soon as you see Lanie, didn't you?"

"Would I do that?"

"Yes!"

* * *

Esposito swore that time had never passed slower than it did when he was sat watching and waiting for the clock to tick over from 4:29 to 4:30. The day had been another slow one - although he was on the verge of making one of their cases airtight for trial, pending the return of some DNA results. He yawned and stood up from his chair, stretching his limbs. Paperwork days at the precinct meant long hours slumped over a desk, and he was contemplating an extended stay at the gym that night in order to recuperate but first...

"Yo Steph?" he called out to the new detective who had finally settled into working through a pile of cold cases, under Ryan's supervision until he'd had to leave an hour previously because of some upset with Jenny. It felt strange referring to her by her Christian name, because everyone else at the 12th went by surname only. It was even stranger to see Beckett's place occupied by someone else, not to mention missing the old, wonky chair that had always stood beside it. Esposito had almost considered taking it home for nostalgic reasons but had refrained from doing so. When he had returned to work the following morning, it was gone. He tried to remind himself that people said that change was good. Right now it was hard to see it that way. But there was still the new detective...

"Yeah?" she answered, her piercing gaze looking into his. Slightly stunned into silence by her features once again, it took him a small while to formulate his idea.

"You wanna go down ... um, go down to the morgue? I could show you around? I still have to fetch some results for one of my cases before I head out for the night," he gestured towards his now slightly more empty desk and she nodded.

"Sounds good to me," she answered neutrally and discarded her light summer coat on her chair, "I guess I don't need that today, right?"

"Yeah, it's effin' hot," Esposito answered, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand. The air conditioning unit had finally packed up on them, leaving everyone unbearably warm and causing great irritation amongst them. They headed towards the elevator, him a slight step in front.

"I'll just give them a heads up that we're coming down," the Latino said and retrieved his phone, typing a quick message for Lanie. _'_

_Thought I'd give our new detective the grand tour. You got the results for the Green-case?'_

Her reply was almost instant.

_ 'Who do you think I am, Perlmutter? Hurry up though, I'm almost headed home!'_

The short ride over to the morgue was spent in an eager conversation about favorite sports teams. As it turned out, Steph was an eager supporter of European soccer, unlike most detectives at homicide. Esposito for instance, refused to acknowledge it even being a sport and declared it obsolete causing great offense and encouraging the female to retaliate passionately. They were still engrossed in their 'discussion' until the doors of the morgue swung open and they entered.

"Hey Lanie?" Esposito greeted the M.E. who was standing over at her little desk in the corner, looking between the two Detectives and causing them to realize how loudly they'd been speaking.

"Detective Esposito," she said placing an obvious emphasis on the first word, and the way she glared daggers at him would be enough to make anyone else turn and run in the opposite direction. "I got the results you requested." Lanie gestured him to head over towards her desk whilst Stephanie took a look around the morgue.

"Hey chica," Esposito said, giving her a winning smile and attempting to brush her cheek but Lanie only slapped his hand away, the noise of their contact resounding throughout the echoey room.

If looks could have killed, he was pretty sure he'd have been the latest addition to her autopsy register with the cause of death being that second deadly flick of her eyes. "Is there a reason you failed to mention that your new colleague is not only female, but looks like she just stepped out of Page 6?"

"I didn't realize it was an issue," Esposito glanced across at his new colleague and then back to Lanie's angry face, clueless as to why she was even bothered about Steph. Right now they weren't - well he wasn't sure what they were, because they seemed to have slipped back into the same pattern as they had done the last time they were... a thing. They weren't dating and it felt like they only hooked up because one or the other needed something. Esposito didn't want to push her to categorize what they were doing because it just caused friction, and Lanie didn't seem to want to volunteer the information. He was following her lead. Trying to avert the crisis he tried to switch to the topic of his missing sample.

"Can I just have the results please, Lanie?"

She shot him an exasperated look but did as he asked, coming over all business as she noted that Steph had moved into hearing range. "Of course, Detective. The tox screen came back negative and I didn't find any physical evidence of drug or substance misuse. This was someone who took great care of herself- and I'm neither judge nor jury but based on the evidence I'd convict the guy."

"Thank you, Lanie. That's what I wanted to hear," Esposito answered, feeling a surge of satisfaction at their success and receiving the papers that she handed him.

"I have saved them electronically if there's the need to have copies of them," she explained, gesturing towards her computer.

"Not much work for you these days either, right?" asked Steph, approaching even further, "Hi, Detective Stephanie Dunbar, I just moved to homicide from narcotics. It's nice to meet you."

Esposito didn't fail to notice the look of incredulity that crossed Lanie's face, before being masked with an insincere attempt at a smile. "Lanie Parish, M.E."

If Stephanie noticed the tension then she didn't comment, stretching out her hand to shake. Lanie hesitated in taking it, contemplating if it would be construed as rude if she didn't. Eventually, she grabbed Steph's hand in a firm grip and shook it quickly. "Pleasure to meet you too," Lanie managed before retracting her hand again, "and you're correct, I can't remember the last time the place was this empty. I suspect it's not gonna stay this way, anyways. One of these days they're gonna pile up in here again."

Stephanie nodded politely and gestured Esposito that she would wait for him outside the double doors, because nothing could mask the awkwardness that seemed to have settled on the conversation. She muttered a polite goodbye and walked away, and Esposito knew she could probably feel the glances that Lanie was boring into her back.

As soon as the new detective was out of sight, he tried to pull his on-off girlfriend into his arms but she deflected his attempt at an embrace and went ahead to get changed, shutting the door in his face as he tried to follow.

"Lanie?" Esposito called out, his voice slightly distorted for the wood between them, but even he knew better than to invade her space when she was in this kind of mood. "I wondered if you were free for dinner tonight?"

A small moment of silence greeted him before the door opened, and the M.E poked her head around it. There was a noticeable height difference, but size was definitely no guarantee of power as she calmly delivered her parting shot, "I'm busy, but I'm sure Stephanie would love to go out to dinner with you."

* * *

**A/N: GoogleknowsUs -** _are you still there? Are you still liking it so far? Good, I am glad. We started this experiment quite some time ago, before all the spoilers were even out and now we have to hurry up before we're to late with publishing this baby. I just know that this is a super awesome way to pass the time for me, for us, for you guys. I hope we make the finish of your hiatus a little more bearable. Leave us a review on your way out and we write faster ;-)_

**A/N: WriterLeigh -** _Thank you for all the love you've shown the first chapter of this, both here and on twitter. You guys are awesome and I hope you enjoyed our humble offering this time. We're really loving writing this and can't wait for you to see where we're headed ;)_


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